The Gospel According to CosmicKid

In the year 1999 A.D. the people were lost in confusion, lost in the wilderness, and lost in bitterness, for they had been downsized, analyzed, stigmatized, psychedelisized, stravinskijd, and lewinskied. So one day Bruce, son of Douglas and Adele from the Great State of New Jersey, decided to bring his band of eight Disciples on the road on a mission to resuscitate, reinvigorate, rededicate, reconfiscate, reindoctrinate, resexualate, reliberate the people through the magic, the mystery, majesty, the foolishness, the power, the promise, and the ministry of Rock and Roll. Everywhere the band went people were left with gratitude and positive vibes, and so they wanted to thank Bruce for making them see the light and to help spread the joyful message. 

So one day in the holy year 2000 Steph the Baptist conceived an idea. He would light a torch which would follow Bruce and his band on their mission. But he could not carry the torch all the way by himself for he was a responsible family man, so he went to his friends at the Greasy Lake and said, "We will light a torch and we will carry it wherever Bruce goes. Who will help me?" Many people rose and this was good. Among the people who rose was southjerseygirl and she said: "The fire hazard will prevent us from carrying the torch all the way into the holy arenas so we shall instead carry a Banner and I will create it for I am an artist". Everybody nodded in agreement and said that this was good. And so a Banner was made and it was cool, and it was carried from town to town all over the land by many good people and a Golden Blazer. It was carried to wherever Bruce and his disciples went, and everywhere there were more good people and they wrote their names on the Banner for they wanted to show the world that they had accepted Bruce as their Rock and Roll Saviour. 

One day there was no longer any room left on the Banner for people to write their names and so it was decided to add another sheet. A woman named Lonestar the Seamstress of Live Daily said she would do the work, and so the Banner was twice as big and twice as many good people could sign their names and accept Bruce as their Rock and Roll Saviour.

And so everybody was happy. Well, almost everybody. A man who called himself ktdream13 had heard about the Banner and wanted to write his name on it. He tried many times and travelled many places, but he could not find it, and he thought, damn, they are making fun of me.

But it was not so. The Banner was real and after many days of travelling it finally came to the big city of New York where Bruce had decided to save ten times, because the people there needed extra saving. And Bruce kept His promise and saved ten times and His Disciple Little Steven wrote his name and blessed The Banner as did many other good people.

Then one day Bruce decided he had resuscitated, reinvigorated, rededicated, reconfiscated, reindoctrinated, resexualated, and reliberated enough people and He and His Disciples went home to the Great State of New Jersey. But even though He had done many good things, the people at the Greasy Lake were still left dazed and confused for they did not know what to do now. And more important, they did not know what they should do with The Banner. Many people spoke and many good ideas were brought forward. Finally Steph the Baptist rose and everybody listened for they knew he had made a decision. He said: "We will split The Banner in two. We will send the part that belongs to LiveDaily to Lonestar the Seamstress and we will send part that belongs to Greasy Lake to the CosmicKid", and everybody nodded in agreement.

And so it came to be. Lonestar the Seamstress received the part that belonged to LiveDaily and the CosmicKid received the part that belonged to Greasy Lake. And the CosmicKid swore he would always protect The Banner from Satan, Britney Spears and other evil powers, and he swore that he would live to spread the message of Bruce. For it is said that in the same way as thousands of threads were weaved together to become The Banner, so shall thousands of people of all ages, all colors and all musical convictions join together, lift their hands in the air and sway to the tune of "Born to Run", like one big, unbreakable soul.

And when Bruce saw this, he said, "This is far out!"