Jump to content
Greasy Lake Community

Do You Think Bruce Springsteen Would Fancy Me?


Rizla

Recommended Posts

Not me, but Pam Ayres ...

For non-UK peeps, Pam is a popular English comic poet.  She comes from my part of the world, West Berkshire/Oxfordshire, and has the real old-fashioned local accent from that area.  I mentioned her in the thread about the audio book, as I may sound a little like her :unsure:

I posted this link there, but it may not work for everyone.  It's Pam on the Simon Mayo Show, reciting an extract from her poem "Do You Think Bruce Springsteen Would Fancy Me?" :lol:  I'll post the full poem for your enjoyment, and a couple of other clips of Pam.  She is very funny.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/p02lr826

 

Do You Think Bruce Springsteen Would Fancy Me?    

by Pam Ayres

Do you think Bruce Springsteen would fancy me?
I know I’ve just turned forty-three,
And one eye’s gone at a funny angle
And I have to wear a copper bangle,
As I’ve got arthritis in this left knee,
But d’you think Bruce Springsteen would fancy me?

He might like an older bird,
Someone not of the common herd,
Old and inhibition free,
Well, he need look no further than me,
I’ve lost the looks that once I had,
But then perhaps his eyesight’s bad,
My skin’s quite good, and me teeth – fantastic!
Crafted from the finest plastic,
So next weekend at the NEC,
Do you think Bruce Springsteen would fancy me?

He might like to dance with me,
If I keep the weight off me gammy knee,
But there again, me kneecaps click,
Still, I needn’t take me walking stick.
No, I’d be like a magnet to him,
The sight of me would go straight through him,
One boss eye and me hair gone grey,
Singing ‘Born in the USA’.

Course, Bruce is used to admiration,
He’s idolised in every nation,
Cheered and clapped in every state,
Me? I’m clapped at half past eight.
Me husband says I must be mad,
And didn’t I know Bruce Springsteen had,
Teenage bimbos wall to wall,
Young and slim and brown and tall,
They can dance and stay up late,
Their knees don’t click and their eyes go straight,
He says Bruce wants rock and rhythm,
Not some old bird’s rheumatism.

But I don’t care, I know I’m right,
At the NEC next Friday night,
Though there might be thousands there,
Or eyes will meet in a thrilling stare,
I’ll do me slow, seductive grin,
I hope to God me teeth stay in,
And in that flash of recognition,
Bruce and I will have . . . ignition.

Draw the veil on he and I,
Alone against the starlit sky,
The billows pound upon the shore,
And me clicking knee will be heard . . no more.

 

Link to post
Share on other sites
38 minutes ago, Gazza said:

 Pam Ayers seemed to disappear and I suppose became unfashionable but this is really funny.

No, she tours regularly.  Right now, in fact.  I might go and see her devil_smiley_005.gif

Link to post
Share on other sites

Do you think Pam Ayres
Would fancy Bruce
If his arms were skinny
And his jeans were loose
Would she really like
To kiss dear Bruce
If he cut her lip
With that snaggle tooth
Would she still dream
Of his tender hugs
Run her fingers through his hair
If she knew they were plugs
Would she fancy Bruce
If he weren't a star
But just a workin' stiff
Sittin' at the end of the bar

Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, allwaystired said:

Bet he'd fancy her if she was attractive. 

You again.  We get it, you don't like her. 

Pam has never claimed to be attractive.  Her humour is always self-deprecating, and the poem is intended to be a joke at her own expense.  It is not serious.

I posted the thread for people to have a laugh, not to make snide unfunny comments. 

 

 

 

Link to post
Share on other sites
8 minutes ago, Rizla said:

You again.  We get it, you don't like her. 

Pam has never claimed to be attractive.  Her humour is always self-deprecating, and the poem is intended to be a joke at her own expense.  It is not serious.

I posted the thread for people to have a laugh, not to make snide unfunny comments. 

 

 

 

'You again!' Was responding to the above comment from Newcastle Roy who said "I think the answer is no". I understand she's not being serious- neither was I. Neither was Newcastle Roy I expect. Or Jerseyfornia. I thought the idea of the thread was to laugh at this?! Nothing 'snide' about it! We all know Bruce's liking for attractive women is well documented! 

It doesn't really matter either way though! 

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 1 year later...
On 10/21/2016 at 7:44 PM, Jerseyfornia said:

Do you think Pam Ayres
Would fancy Bruce
If his arms were skinny
And his jeans were loose
Would she really like
To kiss dear Bruce
If he cut her lip
With that snaggle tooth
Would she still dream
Of his tender hugs
Run her fingers through his hair
If she knew they were plugs
Would she fancy Bruce
If he weren't a star
But just a workin' stiff
Sittin' at the end of the bar

WELL I WOULD DRAW THE LINE AT THE LOOSE JEANS AFTER ALL HE`S GOT THE BAITUSA .

Link to post
Share on other sites
On ‎10‎/‎21‎/‎2016 at 2:44 PM, Jerseyfornia said:

Do you think Pam Ayres
Would fancy Bruce
If his arms were skinny
And his jeans were loose
Would she really like
To kiss dear Bruce
If he cut her lip
With that snaggle tooth
Would she still dream
Of his tender hugs
Run her fingers through his hair
If she knew they were plugs
Would she fancy Bruce
If he weren't a star
But just a workin' stiff
Sittin' at the end of the bar

The only poem worth reading on this thread^^^^^^^^

Link to post
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...