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Bruce Springsteen's music as consolation in times of grief


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Just today my daugher asked me, what I will do, when one day Bruce will be gone... obviously, I said, I'm so happy what I (we) had already, the shows, the common feeling, the soundtrack of our lifes...

So, also having lost my mum 24 years ago by cancer, my father almost 2 years ago of age, I feel very much your loss. We are mortal, all of us. To quote Bruce on the '16 River tour, (we just have) "to try to do something good", whenever we have the possibility.

Wish you both all strenght and faith in these hard times.

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@High Lonesome i think i was a similar age to you when my dad died  of cancer 

I'm  so sorry for you and your mom and your family, cancer isnt  fare 

@Okely Dokely im so sorry about your dad 

It doesn't  matter how old you or your dad - or mum are - they are still your dad - and mum

May you find some comfort in Bruce and know that we, your friends on the lake are here for you 

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I’m so sorry for what you @High Lonesomeand @Okely Dokely  both have had to endure.  

Very glad Bruce can serve as a comfort.  

Wishing you both much love and support in the days ahead. 

And as Daisey said... we are here if you need us.  We truly do take care of our own. 

My best to you both.  

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18 hours ago, High Lonesome said:

Today when me, my father and my sister went to visit her, she was too weak to talk, and we were told that it's probably, at most, a couple of days left now. To be honest, it's mostly a relief ....

I was where you are many years ago.  I know exactly what you mean, and it's all right to feel relieved.

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I'm so sad for you all but it's good to hear that you were able to say your goodbyes as a family. This was special, not everyone gets this opportunity, and that will remain with you and hopefully bring you comfort. x

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32 minutes ago, Eileen said:

I'm so sad for you all but it's good to hear that you were able to say your goodbyes as a family. This was special, not everyone gets this opportunity, and that will remain with you and hopefully bring you comfort. x

Thanks. Yes, that moment meant a lot to us all.

7 minutes ago, janeymarywendy said:

Very sorry to hear this @High Lonesome. Take care.

Thank you. It's tough, but in the midst of all sorrow, we now know that she's not in pain any more, and she has finally found peace.

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13 minutes ago, Gretsch Country Gentleman said:

I don't know you but your post made me mist up.  Sorry for your loss. You're a very good writer and your post is a beautiful tribute to your mother.

Thank you. I don't know anyone here, but people handle grief in different ways, and I'm on of those persons that feel better if I talk and write about matters like this. I hope it will be some sort of tribute, so thanks. My mother come from a Christian family, and I do believe that she - in some way I can't describe - will be with us in spirit. And I also hope that all we say, write and think about her will reach her, somewhere somehow.

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On 9/19/2020 at 6:02 PM, High Lonesome said:

A little bit more than three years ago, my mother was diagnosed with incurable cancer. Despite the shock and grief, the doctor emphasized that mom would probably live for several more years and hopefully be able to have a reasonably dignified life, at least for a couple of years.

I had just been admitted to a university in another city, and even though it was with mixed feelings, I decided to move. The first two years went by, and when I went home and visited my parents for summer, Christmas and other holidays things were still almost as the should've been.

Things started to change last year, and when I visited my parents over the summer, it was obvious that her disease and all that comes with it were getting more and more severe. 

Everyone needs some kind of comfort, and I do not drink alcohol or care too much for parties and stuff like that, nor do I have an expensive or time consuming hobby that could serve as solace to me. I guess my biggest hobby is working out, which works quite good since it makes you focus only on being able to lift those dumbbells one more time or do that one extra another pull-up. It's a pretty good thing.

However, my mother's deteriorating health began to affect my own mental health, and the nights started to get tough for me. I've always liked music, but for some reason, I started to gravitate Bruce Springsteen's music. I don't know why really. I mean, I've always liked the songs I've heard by him (you know, I'm on Fire, Hungry Heart and Born to Run - the famous ones), but now it became some sort of obsession for me. I could spend hours every night listening to his music, and so many of his songs became the comfort I was searching for. 

It's a bit weird, but Springsteen's music became something that even my mother started to appreciate (again). We found her old cassette tapes of Born in the U.S.A. and Born to Run in the basement, and I have some very good memories of us listening to those tapes while making dinner in our kitchen. Last Christmas I got her Tunnel of Love LP as a Christmas gift, and every time I listen to it I see her name written in ink on the cover. It serves as a reminder of her once being young, beautiful and in love with my father, still many years before my birth. It feels pretty good to see her name on that LP.

A couple of months ago this year, the situation became even worse, and I decided to move home to my parents in my hometown. The studies can wait for now. Gradually the cancer has gotten worse, and the last couple of weeks has been pretty terrible, with my mom mostly spending her time at the hospital. Today when me, my father and my sister went to visit her, she was too weak to talk, and we were told that it's probably, at most, a couple of days left now. To be honest, it's mostly a relief, since her suffering the has been so severe and terrible to witness. I haven't cried for years, but today the tears just wouldn't stop. And like so many other times, I turned to Bruce Springsteen's music for comfort and support.

I'm listening to "The Wish" as I write, and that song always helps me to remember my precious memories of my mother when she were young and did all the things she could to make my and my sister's childhood as fantastic as possible. I love her, and when she's gone Bruce's music will be an important link to my mother. 

Sorry for all the personal text, but it's been a shattering day, and since Bruce Springsteen's music really have been a lifesaver for me this latest period of my life, I just wanted to write down my thoughts and share them. I think it's a great thing that something as universal as music can still feel so personal and private. 

 

 

Sorry to hear this High Lonesome.  I understand what you and your family are going through, having lost my own mum to ovarian cancer last year - she was 63.

No words will be of comfort.  Spend as much time at the hospital as you can.

 

Good luck to you all. 

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Thank you so much for your post High Lonesome, your original post is beautifully written and brought tears to my eyes.

My mam died last year unexpectedly after a short illness - we were there as a family to say our final goodbyes which is something I still cherish and take great solace in. Although it's hard I know mam wouldn't have wanted the lifestyle resulting from the illness and it was the right time for her to go.

We didn't have the common bond of Bruce (but hey she loved Elvis!) but I can really empathise with the comfort you've found in his music. It's really tough but does get easier - I now think primarily of the happiness mam bought to me and many people.

Keep talking and take care.

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3 hours ago, Growin' Up said:

 

 

Sorry to hear this High Lonesome.  I understand what you and your family are going through, having lost my own mum to ovarian cancer last year - she was 63.

No words will be of comfort.  Spend as much time at the hospital as you can.

 

Good luck to you all. 

Thanks. Oh, I see. I'm sorry for your loss. Yeah, it's a terrible disease. And 63 is no age. I do hope you have fond memories of your mom and your life with her before you went through that terrible thing. 

We did spend much time with her at the hospital. And when she passed away this morning, me, my father and my sister were there with her all the time. And I really do believe she knew that we were there with her. 

1 hour ago, Mack boy said:

Thank you so much for your post High Lonesome, your original post is beautifully written and brought tears to my eyes.

My mam died last year unexpectedly after a short illness - we were there as a family to say our final goodbyes which is something I still cherish and take great solace in. Although it's hard I know mam wouldn't have wanted the lifestyle resulting from the illness and it was the right time for her to go.

We didn't have the common bond of Bruce (but hey she loved Elvis!) but I can really empathise with the comfort you've found in his music. It's really tough but does get easier - I now think primarily of the happiness mam bought to me and many people.

Keep talking and take care.

Thank you. I'm so sorry. But as you say, it's a very very good thing that you were there and had the chance to say your goodbyes. It probably meant the world, both for her and for you.

I know what you mean. My mother loved life - traveling, good food, friendship, beautiful weather down by the beach, and so on. However, as the disease got worse over the years (which really escalated this summer), she began to say that she were ready to die. And a time ago we talked about how she will still live on in our memories. And I hope that I someday gonna marry a pretty wife and get children of my own, which also will be one way for her to live on in some way. And her love for us as a family (as well as our love for her), is something that won't go away. Even though she won't be here with us in her physical body any more.

Yeah, Bruce's music have been so important this final time of her life. It was nice to see her play her old Born in the U.S.A. tape and remember the songs. 

I'm glad that you remember your mom with happiness. I know that's the way I'll remember my mom as well. It hurts so much now, but to see that peaceful expression on her face after she passed away - it did look like she were sleeping and dreaming of some good memories (I would say she even had a little smile on her lips) - made her passing so much easier. The pain and sorrow is over for her. And I want to believe that she's together with her parents now, with our old cat sitting in her lap, knowing how much we all love her. And someday I think we will all meet again.

 

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Dear High Lonesome i don't have the words to express for the loss of your mother . It sounds to me like she raised a good son. You can always think of your mom and smile. Every day i talk to mine and thank her.

Okley Dokely you also have my condolences. Think warmly of your father.

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26 minutes ago, gus said:

Dear High Lonesome i don't have the words to express for the loss of your mother . It sounds to me like she raised a good son. You can always think of your mom and smile. Every day i talk to mine and thank her.

Okley Dokely you also have my condolences. Think warmly of your father.

Thank you. Every kind word today, whether it has been from relatives, friends or Bruce Springsteen fans at Greasylake has meant something. It won't make the sorrow or feeling of emptiness smaller, but it can give me a brief smile on my lips, or make feel a little bit warmer, and that's worth a lot today. 

It's good that you have that relationship to your mother. Family is important, and maybe I didn't even understand just how important it is, until today. 

I do think of the good times we had, and I cherish those memories so much. Even if it's just a mundane memory of me visiting my mom at the hospital, took her out in a nearby park, and sitting with her while she was drinking a coke and reading the paper. Or maybe me and my mom listening to Dancing in the Dark while making dinner together last summer, when she was still strong and healthy enough to do that. Small, peaceful moments like that matters.

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@High Lonesome im so sorry for your family

But its good you can take comfort to know your mum is back with her own mum and dad now and in no pain and happy with kitty 

May God give your family the strength to support each other in this time of grief and may your lasting memories only be of the happiness and joy your mum created for you all

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1 hour ago, Daisey Jeep said:

@High Lonesome im so sorry for your family

But its good you can take comfort to know your mum is back with her own mum and dad now and in no pain and happy with kitty 

May God give your family the strength to support each other in this time of grief and may your lasting memories only be of the happiness and joy your mum created for you all

Thank you for your kind words Daisy. The evenings and nights are the hardest part of the day, so your comment is comforting.   

It feels so very sad and weird that she's gone, but, as you write, I believe she's in a better place now. 

I'm sure that the lasting memories will be all the fun we had together, and how happy, kind and wise my mom used to be. She sure had a heart of gold.

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7 minutes ago, High Lonesome said:

Thank you for your kind words Daisy. The evenings and nights are the hardest part of the day, so your comment is comforting.   

It feels so very sad and weird that she's gone, but, as you write, I believe she's in a better place now. 

I'm sure that the lasting memories will be all the fun we had together, and how happy, kind and wise my mom used to be. She sure had a heart of gold.

Sometimes life just isnt fair

I mean why did your mum and my dad have to get sick and die ?

The world was a better place with them in it

Why can't we all either live forever or just die peacefully in our sleep 

My mum was at the end for a long time, she went just before i got to see Bruce, he played Mary's place - that's  mum's, grandma's and my middle name

I must say i did have. Little fun ...ok fun isnt the right word - but i got some Bruce into the eulogy 

I hope in these stupid covid times you are able to safely hold the service your mum would  have wanted. 

My sister and i had quite a time picking out the music - her walk off music was dont rain on my parade, i hoped her and my dad liked what we did for her - we got cream cakes at the after match function - no modern sushi and tapas , my mum was all about feeding people 

Thankfully my sister and i only argued about the flowers, for once i won ! 

You most likelly will never look back on now and find anything funny but there will be some comfort to be found in what you do to honour her in the coming days

I hope you have the very best professional and carring people around you to help mum on her final journey like we did (my mum's  family had gone to school with the local undertaker's family) they were absolutly first class

 

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3 minutes ago, Daisey Jeep said:

Sometimes life just isnt fair

I mean why did your mum and my dad have to get sick and die ?

The world was a better place with them in it

Why can't we all either live forever or just die peacefully in our sleep 

My mum was at the end for a long time, she went just before i got to see Bruce, he played Mary's place - that's  mum's, grandma's and my middle name

I must say i did have. Little fun ...ok fun isnt the right word - but i got some Bruce into the eulogy 

I hope in these stupid covid times you are able to safely hold the service your mum would  have wanted. 

My sister and i had quite a time picking out the music - her walk off music was dont rain on my parade, i hoped her and my dad liked what we did for her - we got cream cakes at the after match function - no modern sushi and tapas , my mum was all about feeding people 

Thankfully my sister and i only argued about the flowers, for once i won ! 

You most likelly will never look back on now and find anything funny but there will be some comfort to be found in what you do to honour her in the coming days

I hope you have the very best professional and carring people around you to help mum on her final journey like we did (my mum's  family had gone to school with the local undertaker's family) they were absolutly first class

 

Yeah, life can be very hard sometimes. It sure would be nice if my mom and your dad could have died of old age, hopefully when they felt that they were satisfied and had done all the things in life they wanted to do. But that wasn't the case, and I guess there's no answer to why it had to be like that. 

Finding signs of meaning can be a very good thing when you're going through tough times. That Bruce played Mary's Place at that show must have felt special, and even if it's easy to say that a person that wants to see signs or patterns is going to find them, I think that there are things about life and the existence that we don't know so much about. I've seen many signs the latest day that made sense to me. And I don't really care if it's maybe just my mind that make certain things seem like indications of something bigger, they still feel meaningful to me.

Sounds to me like you and your sister did the best to make your mom's funeral to a beautiful one. (I hope I didn't misunderstad you, but this was about your mother's funeral and not your father's?) I hope that you and your sister have been important to each other, and been able to support one another through the hard times. 

My mom had a lot of humor, and we could often joke about the tough and the hard things, even when she was sick. Earlier this summer when I discussed with her and dad about which music we're gonna have at the funeral, we even joked about that I could sing Born in the U.S.A., blue jeans, leather jacket, bandana, and all. That was before everything got really really bad, but she still kept some sense of humor for a long time. 

I think mom's funeral and memorial service will be as good as possible. We still have some planning to do, but I'm sure it's going to be sad, yet beautiful event.

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14 minutes ago, High Lonesome said:

Yeah, life can be very hard sometimes. It sure would be nice if my mom and your dad could have died of old age, hopefully when they felt that they were satisfied and had done all the things in life they wanted to do. But that wasn't the case, and I guess there's no answer to why it had to be like that. 

Finding signs of meaning can be a very good thing when you're going through tough times. That Bruce played Mary's Place at that show must have felt special, and even if it's easy to say that a person that wants to see signs or patterns is going to find them, I think that there are things about life and the existence that we don't know so much about. I've seen many signs the latest day that made sense to me. And I don't really care if it's maybe just my mind that make certain things seem like indications of something bigger, they still feel meaningful to me.

Sounds to me like you and your sister did the best to make your mom's funeral to a beautiful one. (I hope I didn't misunderstad you, but this was about your mother's funeral and not your father's?) I hope that you and your sister have been important to each other, and been able to support one another through the hard times. 

My mom had a lot of humor, and we could often joke about the tough and the hard things, even when she was sick. Earlier this summer when I discussed with her and dad about which music we're gonna have at the funeral, we even joked about that I could sing Born in the U.S.A., blue jeans, leather jacket, bandana, and all. That was before everything got really really bad, but she still kept some sense of humor for a long time. 

I think mom's funeral and memorial service will be as good as possible. We still have some planning to do, but I'm sure it's going to be sad, yet beautiful event.

Its nice at a funneral where people have  a few laughs

I think the sweet soul departed appreates it too

My sister and i have never been close - im sure it must disappoint my parents...but we do occasionally text and im doing my best to remember her birthday in a few days

See all the signs you can and take comfort from them high lonesome 

I love those photo things they do at funerals  now and i hope you are able to come and shear with us the music you play for mum 

My mum's send off was much different to dad's 

She hasn't  had a long or good old age and demetia had really effected her outlook and interaction with others 

We had aleays had a Bruce- Douglas kind of relationship but she could  be a very good mum and she was a very kind giving person but demetia had stolen all her empathy and humanity and people forgot her great generosity 

Of the greater family only my sister and i cried at the funeral - like people forgot and only remembered my mother aa hard and stubborn and sometimes just horrible but it was because she was sick -

But it wasn't a sad funeral because my mum was now at peace and  with my dad and my dad was loved my all

and they had been apart for too long

Sometimes its like we as children forget our parents had a life together before we came along, that they were once part of something that we were not the be all and end all of, that it was just the two of them 

My dad died at 53, my sister was still at school. It was just the worst time ever, i don't  hardly remenber the funeral but i had a huge fight with mum because i would not go to the cemetery 

But i remember they had the hymn from their wedding not that anyone could  remember it all those years latter for mum

Hope and sons were able to look back through their records so we could play it for mum and the same lady lead the service 

It waa kind of funny because we  had trouble finding a Methodist minister for the grave side bit - There must have been something on that week in the Methodist world 

It was also university orientation  week so getting accommodation  was a nightmare and it was valentines day week so roses were in short supply 

Its funny the things you remember

How is your Dad doing high lonesome?

 

 

 

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On 9/26/2020 at 2:28 AM, Daisey Jeep said:

Its nice at a funneral where people have  a few laughs

I think the sweet soul departed appreates it too

My sister and i have never been close - im sure it must disappoint my parents...but we do occasionally text and im doing my best to remember her birthday in a few days

See all the signs you can and take comfort from them high lonesome 

I love those photo things they do at funerals  now and i hope you are able to come and shear with us the music you play for mum 

My mum's send off was much different to dad's 

She hasn't  had a long or good old age and demetia had really effected her outlook and interaction with others 

We had aleays had a Bruce- Douglas kind of relationship but she could  be a very good mum and she was a very kind giving person but demetia had stolen all her empathy and humanity and people forgot her great generosity 

Of the greater family only my sister and i cried at the funeral - like people forgot and only remembered my mother aa hard and stubborn and sometimes just horrible but it was because she was sick -

But it wasn't a sad funeral because my mum was now at peace and  with my dad and my dad was loved my all

and they had been apart for too long

Sometimes its like we as children forget our parents had a life together before we came along, that they were once part of something that we were not the be all and end all of, that it was just the two of them 

My dad died at 53, my sister was still at school. It was just the worst time ever, i don't  hardly remenber the funeral but i had a huge fight with mum because i would not go to the cemetery 

But i remember they had the hymn from their wedding not that anyone could  remember it all those years latter for mum

Hope and sons were able to look back through their records so we could play it for mum and the same lady lead the service 

It waa kind of funny because we  had trouble finding a Methodist minister for the grave side bit - There must have been something on that week in the Methodist world 

It was also university orientation  week so getting accommodation  was a nightmare and it was valentines day week so roses were in short supply 

Its funny the things you remember

How is your Dad doing high lonesome?

 

 

 

Sorry to hear that your mother got dementia. My paternal grandma got it, and I have worked at retirement homes, so I've seen the effects from it. It must have been really hard to see your mother fading away in that disease. As you say, she's in peace now, and back with your dad. Hopefully most of your memories are the good ones, before she got sick in that terrible disease that changed her so.

Well, it's tough for my dad of course. We have been going through mom's clothes and stuff like that, and it affects him really hard. It's very hard for both of us, but I guess his situation is different to mine. They wanted to grow old together, spend time at their vacation house, travel and so on, and it didn't turn out that way. We all miss her very much and it feels so empty now. I still get the impulse to visit her at the hospital and sometimes when my phone rings I think it could be her for a second, but I guess it won't be like that forever. 

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