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Bruce Springsteen's music as consolation in times of grief


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Good to head from you @High Lonesome

I was wondering how you were all doing

Going through the clothes is hard, i have the coat and hat my dad wore to the rugby hanging up in my hall cupboard 

The mind does weird things, it was only a few months ago and i kust forget what happened (it could  have been rugby or cricket i don't remember) but i just onstantly thought gotta ring dad 

You and your dad and ypur family are in my thoughts 

But some days will be easier than others

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  • 2 weeks later...

Welcome @Froggy

its good to have you amongst us

Im really sorry about your dad 

But im happy Bruce Springsteen was there for you when you needed him most 

My favourite Euro rugby team is France ;)

I miss watching rugby with my dad 

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On 10/17/2020 at 3:28 PM, Froggy said:

I am so sorry for you loss @High Lonesome :( 

And this is my first post and I read this forum almost everyday since the last year. And this thread push me to try to interact with all of you guys. 

It's quite weird to introduce myself here but there is a reason. I am Vincent, 28 years old and living in France (close to Paris). I am a big fan of Bruce Springsteen. Saw him in 2013 in Stade de France (Paris), 2016 in Munchen and the second night in Paris (full album River in live... What a blast ! And this is my fav record of Bruce).

Last year my dad past away in december the 18th. He fought against a lung cancer during two years. And his shape going down and down from may to december. I had a chance to saw him in september/october and share with him some rugby world cup match (yes he was a huge fan of rugby and me too, it's like a legacy I have from him). And in december my mom was worried about my dad and the doctors where not optimistic. I had his oncologist by phone and he told me "well, if you want to see your dad it's now. It will be his last Christmas if his body can manage until Christmas". And this was very hard to hear that but I had to do something to help my mother and be close to my dad because I knew this was the last time where I can be with him. So I grab a ticket and my suitcase... 

I had the chance to have close discussions with him, some things we never told each other, be with him. He was very sorry for his disease and I told him I was sorry for him to suffer. 

And after that, my father died and I sank into depression from january to june... During the lasts weeks of my fathers I listen a lot Bruce and some songs and especially LOHAD who I didn't like before and know this song and lyrics are so powerfull to me. 
Now I am better, but there is 3 things who helps me during my depression : My wife, My family/close friends and ... Bruce Springsteen. I remember a lot of morning where I didn't do anything and just rest with Western Stars album, and some darkest days Devils And Dust, or Nebraska / Ghost Of the Tom Joad. It was hard, very hard but days to days I try to find something in the lyrics who can remember my dad, good memories and find what I would do or want to do. 

It's kind of weird but I listen only Bruce records or live during the past year because it helps. I save a lot of money and wait to see Bruce live again for the next tour. 

We all have different path but in time of grief it seems that we can have commonalities. 

Sorry if my English is not perfect ;) 

Hey Froggy.

Thank you for that, and I'm also sorry to hear about your dad. Seeing someone you love die in a disease is no easy thing. It's the most terrible thing I've ever been through, and I guess it's the same for you.

But it's good that Bruce's music could help you, like it helped (helps) me. And I hope your memories of your father will be warm and bright ones. 

 

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My Nanna, who had lived with my mum, dad and I since I was born, passed away after a rather long and exhausting illness late in 1995 when I was 41yo.

The Ghost of Tom Joad would hardly have been thought of as music to grieve by/with, yet that album comforted me immeasurably through the rest of 1995 and 1996, a year I’d  rather have forgotten.

I was lucky in that I ran my own office. I played the album constantly for about a year or more! My staff, bless them, knew what and how that music was getting me through those times, they not once complained . 

When the bootlegs appeared through ‘96  and I heard how the songs came alive on stage, that helped lift me too. They got played in high rotation in my office too.

When I caught the shows in Sydney at the Capital Theatre in February 1997, I sobbed uncontrollably for much of the shows, but I was crying in happiness. Somehow the album, the bootlegs and the shows combined to keep me sane, to lift my spirits and to honour my nanna. 

It’s an album, and a related time, that I hold dear for a myriad of reasons.


 

 

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On 10/17/2020 at 10:04 PM, Daisey Jeep said:

Welcome @Froggy

its good to have you amongst us

Im really sorry about your dad 

But im happy Bruce Springsteen was there for you when you needed him most 

My favourite Euro rugby team is France ;)

I miss watching rugby with my dad 

Thank you so much for your reply @Daisey Jeep :) 

PS : French team should be ready for the next world cup... But All Blacks are always surprising and get the spirit of this sport and have goods new talents (I'm thiking about Clark who crushed the Australia defense last week !)

20 hours ago, High Lonesome said:

Hey Froggy.

Thank you for that, and I'm also sorry to hear about your dad. Seeing someone you love die in a disease is no easy thing. It's the most terrible thing I've ever been through, and I guess it's the same for you.

But it's good that Bruce's music could help you, like it helped (helps) me. And I hope your memories of your father will be warm and bright ones. 

 

Thank you too @High Lonesome. Agree... It's painful but in other way I'm glad to had amount of time with my father. A friend lost his dad suddenly and do not have this "chance" I had. Even all the suffering stuff and pain.

I hope you are doing well ! :) 

And it's good to know people who are in grief and have this same "story" with Bruce's music ! 

I wish you a lot of good memories ;) 

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On 10/19/2020 at 6:04 PM, Froggy said:

Thank you too @High Lonesome. Agree... It's painful but in other way I'm glad to had amount of time with my father. A friend lost his dad suddenly and do not have this "chance" I had. Even all the suffering stuff and pain.

I hope you are doing well ! :) 

And it's good to know people who are in grief and have this same "story" with Bruce's music ! 

I wish you a lot of good memories ;) 

Thanks.

The funeral was yesterday, and it was beautiful, but very sad. Today just feels so empty, now when all relatives and friends have left. It's almost a month now since she's passed away, and I guess it's starting to sink in a bit. 

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On 10/20/2020 at 9:20 PM, High Lonesome said:

Thanks.

The funeral was yesterday, and it was beautiful, but very sad. Today just feels so empty, now when all relatives and friends have left. It's almost a month now since she's passed away, and I guess it's starting to sink in a bit. 

I would like to tell you "be strong" but it is an inappropriated word. 

I can understand what you feel, the emptiness... but take care of yourself first. Do what you want to do, even if you are doing nothing you rest and recharging your batteries. I am "glad" to read the funeral was beautiful it so important when you will remember that day as sad day but also as a good day by the ceremony itself. And when you have relatives and friends to support you it's means a lot for your mother, you and your family.

Be well.

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17 hours ago, Froggy said:

I would like to tell you "be strong" but it is an inappropriated word. 

I can understand what you feel, the emptiness... but take care of yourself first. Do what you want to do, even if you are doing nothing you rest and recharging your batteries. I am "glad" to read the funeral was beautiful it so important when you will remember that day as sad day but also as a good day by the ceremony itself. And when you have relatives and friends to support you it's means a lot for your mother, you and your family.

Be well.

Thanks, and I do try to keep on living in the best way possible. It's tough, but I know that mom's worst sadness would be that we, in her closest family, just would give up living.

Yeah, the emptiness is the worst thing right now. I guess you slowly will adapt to the new situation, but right now the world's just feel different and a lot more empty. 

One think that does help is to talk to other people who been through similar situations. I just don't think that you possibly can understand the sorrow, pain and emptiness unless you've lost a close one. I notice that with some people, that they just can't understand what it's like. They think they can, but they can't.

And this coming period will also be really weird, with All Soul's Day, Christmas and other holidays like that coming up. I guess it will be the same for you, but I hope you also have family, friends and relatives to be with during those days!

 

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2 hours ago, High Lonesome said:

Thanks, and I do try to keep on living in the best way possible. It's tough, but I know that mom's worst sadness would be that we, in her closest family, just would give up living.

Yeah, the emptiness is the worst thing right now. I guess you slowly will adapt to the new situation, but right now the world's just feel different and a lot more empty. 

One think that does help is to talk to other people who been through similar situations. I just don't think that you possibly can understand the sorrow, pain and emptiness unless you've lost a close one. I notice that with some people, that they just can't understand what it's like. They think they can, but they can't.

And this coming period will also be really weird, with All Soul's Day, Christmas and other holidays like that coming up. I guess it will be the same for you, but I hope you also have family, friends and relatives to be with during those days!

 

I hope the people who have not lost anyone close -the one's who don't know that its like - i hope they realize how fortune they are right now because one day loss is going to hit them like a tonn of bricks

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I’m sorry for your loss dude ... Cancer sucks! 
 

I lost my father to that back when I was 21, almost 30 years ago now. But like the songs says: "The scars remain but the pain slips away” ... it’s true and you will go on to live a long, happy life with terrific memories. 

 

"Daisey Jeep” .... your words are beautiful - this is what the power of music does for us all and the true purpose of what we are all doing on this site.


 

Brad

 

PS: I’m not sure the 'Tunnel' album is what you wanna listen too with regards to any couple having a good relationship <_<

lol

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5 hours ago, High Lonesome said:

Thanks, and I do try to keep on living in the best way possible. It's tough, but I know that mom's worst sadness would be that we, in her closest family, just would give up living.

Yeah, the emptiness is the worst thing right now. I guess you slowly will adapt to the new situation, but right now the world's just feel different and a lot more empty. 

One think that does help is to talk to other people who been through similar situations. I just don't think that you possibly can understand the sorrow, pain and emptiness unless you've lost a close one. I notice that with some people, that they just can't understand what it's like. They think they can, but they can't.

And this coming period will also be really weird, with All Soul's Day, Christmas and other holidays like that coming up. I guess it will be the same for you, but I hope you also have family, friends and relatives to be with during those days!

 

Grieving takes times... My therapist told me the average of grieving is 3 years.

And I can understand your point of view with Christmas, Soul's Day, Holiday... Someone who we love will not being here and will never come back. This year I don't want to celebrate anything and with nobody except my wife. Because we all know with my close family is not the moment to share and start a new process. And with the Covid situation in France is pretty hard to tell if we will can do anything. I hope you will not be alone !

Today with the release of the album, some songs are so IN the subject we talk about : death, life, love (I am thinking about One minute you're here, I'll see you in my dreams.

And I totally agree with you when you say that you don't think it's possibly understand the sorrow, pain and emptiness unless you've lost a close one. And we are after all, humans, we are all different in this situation. Some people can manage, others can't manage and others between the two options. 

Before I sank into depression I was a guy who didn't really understand people in depression and consider therapist as "stealers". But in fact, when I opened my eyes I told myself to never ever again judging people with any illness. Even without depression, grieving is so painful. 

I hope this kind of talks help you. You are not alone, it's really easy to tell this because everyone told there are here for you...

But as a guy who is in a similar situation, I just can say something. I was in a tunnel, long tunnel 6 moths ago. I was very tired. And thinking about to stop my walk in this tunnel because "man it is too long, I just want to finish here". Finally after a long period of black thought (almost 3 months), music help me, read a book, just talk to a friend or family change a lot of things to see the life in a new way, without my dad.

I hope you will not sink into depression, and if it is, I hope, really hope to get througth this dark way.

Wish you a good recover :) 

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It's like going from a lighted room out into a clouded pitch-dark night.  Everything is black, but gradually your eyes begin to adjust and it starts to seem not quite so dark.  You find that you can manage, and it starts to get easier.  In time the sky will brighten and you will see the daylight again.

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I know this poem from 4 weddings and a funeral by W H Auden  is about the loss of a lover and not a patent but its still what it felt like

'Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone'

Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone, Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone, Silence the pianos and with muffled drum Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come. Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead Scribbling on the sky the message He Is Dead, Put crepe bows round the white necks of the public doves, Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves. He was my North, my South, my East and West, My working week and my Sunday rest, My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song; I thought that love would last for ever: I was wrong. The stars are not wanted now: put out every one; Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun; Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood; For nothing now can ever come to any good.

 

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