Guest Miami MArk

A little levity...

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Guest Miami MArk

This evening after a nice dinner out for my wifes birthday, we came home for some cake, with her sister and brother in law and the kids...I lit a fire and we all sat down, opened presents and had coffee..and were engaing in the usual bullshit. My BIL went over and sat on the couch which faces the fireplace, and we kept talking...all of a sudden there was slight rattling from the fireplace, and my BIL yells "HOLY SHIT" ...and we see a ball of flame shoot out of the fireplace and bounce around the living room before taking off down the hall... IT WAS A FUCKING SQUIRREL ON FIRE!!!! We jump up and note that only two doors are open, one to the master bedroom and one to the sons bedroom, we start the search while after much debate and imploring my W gets me to call animal control...they put me in touch with the Police who get there rather quick. The two cops who show up were the nicest, funniest pair i have ever met, and we had a blast. The squirrel had climbed in to the valance above our bay window in the bedroom...the cops have two of my hockey sticks trying to get it while I hold the mag lite...all of a sudden the squirrel comes over the TOP of the valnce and jumps across the room...like Rocky the Flying Fucking Squirrel...we all scream and me and the cops dive for cover..I break a lamp in the process...the squirrel takes off down the hall but doubles back,,,this one cop tries to take a "slapshot at and misses and its back in the bedroom and up the curtain...all the while my entire family is outside hearing all this yelling.. so now we go after it again but this time we open the windows...we are on the second floor...Squirrell jumps out but this time goes over the bed and then under it..we are all hysterical laughing cause we dont want it jumpimg on us..the fucking thing is BLACK..its half roasted...so it runs out from under the bed, over a rocking chair and jumps out the window!! Now one of the cops says "Well we gotta scare them outside...here take this" and picks up a stuffed animal which I stick under my shirt and we all run out yelling 'We got it" and my W is screaming 'its in his shirt' and i pull out the stuffed animal and toss it to her...she about faints...LOL..it was like "Christmas Vacation" for real...funniest damn night I have had in along time...carry on.

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Guest

ummm you didnt say NBC-not bruce content in ur title....would ya mind doing that next time. i mean i really thought this was gonna be some stupendous post about a setlist or something.

thanks in advance.

by the way, funny funny story. especially the end with the cop planning a gag.

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Guest Miami MArk

I swear...my head still hurts from laughing...4 grown men..two with guns..carrying hockeys sticks...chasing a burnt up squirrel.

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Oh my God you should've warned me! I spit out my drink when I read it was a Fucking Squirrel On Fire!!!! I had to clean up the computer screen and keyboard before I could finish reading the story.

Good thing that barbecued squirrel wasn't still on fire while it was running around your bedroom.

I can't believe the cops were so funny. That has to be the strangest call they've ever had. They'll be talking about this one when they're retired and talking about their Glory Days on the force.

I'm printing this one out to show my DH. This was just too funny

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Great story! A classic to tell the grandkids. Good thing that didn't happen at our house 'cause I'd be outside looking for the poor roasted squirrel to make sure it was okay.

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Guest Miami MArk

One of the cops kept saying " Whats burning?" and the other would say 'Squirrel' all serious ...

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Awwwww - I'm all upset now. Knew I shouldn't have read it. Poor little squirrel.

I'm off over to the Fight Club now ... to cheer myself up.

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Guest bushmanj

The Tasty Squirrel

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Squirrels, eh? Little vermin... Fluffy rats...is this how you feel about squirrels? Well, here at theTasty Squirrel we aim to change all that. Dangerous and clever these small rodents may be, but mmmmmm... what a tasty treat they make on a cold winter's night. Our aim is to open a branch of the Tasty Squirrel in every major city in the world, but until that glorious day, here are some ways you can enjoy squirrel in your own home.

First you must of course catch the squirrel. We employ expert squirrel catchers, so that every squirrel is in its prime when we catch it. If you want to catch your own squirrel at home, you MUST be careful. They are clever little buggers, and will try to out wit you at every step. An Uzi usually does the trick, and also saves on preperation time for recipes like Winter Squirrel Stew, but for more delicate dishes, such as Warm Squirrel Salad, more care must be taken. A box with a copy of Playboy inside usually does the trick, they can't resist a good read.

Then you have to choose from the array of delicious recipes available for squirrel. How about Mexican Squirrel Gaucho? Or Squirrel a la Orange? Or my own personal favourite, Roast Squirrel with Chestnut Stuffing? Mmmmmmm.

But the recipe we are going to show you today is a simple one, ideal for squirrel cookery beginners.

*********Squirrel Sorbet*****************

A refreshing treat after a heavy meal, or a tiring day squirrel-hunting.

First, remove squirrel ears. Put in fridge.

Then, blend whole squirrel for 2 minutes. Add 400g of sugar and 4 egg whites, and blend for a further 2 minutes. The texture should be quite grainy, but reasonably smooth. If there are any large squirrel parts left, blend again for 30 seconds. Next, pour into a plastic tub, and refrigerate overnight.

Voila! Squirrel Sorbet! Kids especialy love this with chocolate sauce. On a special occasion, garnish with the ears. Otherwise, save the ears, they are a delicious low-fat snack.

Here is a new recipe for all you squirrel-munchers!

**************Squirrel Potato Bake*****************

Very simple, great for when you come in from work too tired to cook.

Simply peel 4 large King Edward Potatoes and chop into thin slices. Then, take some ready sliced squirrel from your fridge. Place a layer of potato about 1cm deep in an ovenproof dish, then a layer of sliced squirrel. Alternate layers of squirrel and potato until you have filled the dish. Then, put a topping of grated cheese and some crushed garlic on top. Put in the oven at 220 C for 45 minutes, or until the cheese is brown and bubbling. Serve with a green salad.

Well, now it is very nearly Christmas, here is a new and warming recipe for all you folks trying to keep all toasty inside...

*************Roast Squirrel***********************

Gutting a squirrel can be rather messy. If you are squeamish, then I recommend you do as I do and buy a ready-to-cook squirrel from your local squirrel hunter. They should be happy to oblige for only a little more than you would normally pay. So, stuff your squirrel with fresh chestnuts right the way through, then cook - in a roasting tin- at 260 C for 4 hours, or until the squirrel is a bit browner than it was( unless you are cooking an inferior grey squirrel - then it should look burnt.) Serve with herby mashed potatoes, or crispy roast potatoes. I personally recommend brussel sprouts with roast squirrel - the succulent squirrel flesh will take away the truly horrible taste of sprout.

This recipe is great for those of you who don't want turkey this festive season - even vegetarians are usually happy to eat squirrels, because they are such destructive little bastards, destroying the earth faster than even hairspray. ( I have proof of this, if you want it, then e-mail me...).

Happy Holidays!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Guest Miami MArk

Early this morning I took some fishing line and attached it to the valance and ran it around the room so I can just tug it from my side of the bed...LOL...I'm just waiting for the right time...LOL....I think I'm gonna make breakfast in bed and about midway through yell "SQURREL!!"...Oh shit...I'm gonna be in trouble.

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Guest Miami MArk

Commie pinko squirrel loving bastard...

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Too damn funny, Mark! Hillarious......

Most people our age wanna forget our birthdays...... Mrs.Miami's gonna remember this one for a lonnnnnng time......

Still laughing here.....

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It's time to hire one of these guys

a33c4fc0.jpg

Lord knows what else is up there...

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Just think, if you had "cranked up the furnace" you wouldn't have such a funny story-

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