Guest Miami MArk

A little levity...

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Great story! Same result here - spitting my drink onto the monitor!

Whoever wrote "tastes like chicken".....were you referring to Eddie Izzard??? I love Dress to Kill.

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Damn, I thought I was going to learn how to fly.

Spoogle

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This evening after a nice dinner out for my wifes birthday, we came home for some cake, with her sister and brother in law and the kids...I lit a fire and we all sat down, opened presents and had coffee..and were engaing in the usual bullshit. My BIL went over and sat on the couch which faces the fireplace, and we kept talking...all of a sudden there was slight rattling from the fireplace, and my BIL yells "HOLY SHIT" ...and we see a ball of flame shoot out of the fireplace and bounce around the living room before taking off down the hall... IT WAS A FUCKING SQUIRREL ON FIRE!!!! We jump up and note that only two doors are open, one to the master bedroom and one to the sons bedroom, we start the search while after much debate and imploring my W gets me to call animal control...they put me in touch with the Police who get there rather quick. The two cops who show up were the nicest, funniest pair i have ever met, and we had a blast. The squirrel had climbed in to the valance above our bay window in the bedroom...the cops have two of my hockey sticks trying to get it while I hold the mag lite...all of a sudden the squirrel comes over the TOP of the valnce and jumps across the room...like Rocky the Flying Fucking Squirrel...we all scream and me and the cops dive for cover..I break a lamp in the process...the squirrel takes off down the hall but doubles back,,,this one cop tries to take a "slapshot at and misses and its back in the bedroom and up the curtain...all the while my entire family is outside hearing all this yelling.. so now we go after it again but this time we open the windows...we are on the second floor...Squirrell jumps out but this time goes over the bed and then under it..we are all hysterical laughing cause we dont want it jumpimg on us..the fucking thing is BLACK..its half roasted...so it runs out from under the bed, over a rocking chair and jumps out the window!! Now one of the cops says "Well we gotta scare them outside...here take this" and picks up a stuffed animal which I stick under my shirt and we all run out yelling 'We got it" and my W is screaming 'its in his shirt' and i pull out the stuffed animal and toss it to her...she about faints...LOL..it was like "Christmas Vacation" for real...funniest damn night I have had in along time...carry on.

MM,

Thanks for this post. I laughed out loud in my cube at work. I've been ill the past couple days, so the laughing brought on a coughing fit. The guy that sits next to me thought I was choking so I let him read the post. Hysterical laughter until our sides hurt. I will be telling this one for a few years.

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A true MM classic!

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Bruce was freaked out by squirrels too - in London in a park before D&D in RAH second night one came on the park bench he was sitting on

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Best laugh I've had in quite a while :lol:

Must print this story to share with a few people!

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Guest Miami MArk

a definite bump, maybe even a jolt ;)

There was a time when even I thought it was good.

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Guest Miami MArk

Ya know its hard to believe when ya read something like that, that it actually happened. Like the line is blurred somehow between the reality and the make believe. Reading that it seems like a bad scene in a Ted Danson sitcom......."Ohhhh noooooo...not a SQUIRREL!!!"....but it really did happen and it was actually alot funnier than what I wrote...but I think it all does get blurred here somehow...the shows and the music and the meaning, and every little fucking thing that goes along with it...how much is real and how much is what you remember. One big giant game of Pong.

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Bump just for Mikey :D

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Yay!

This is a 'must read' for everyone.

Can you find the conversations between MM and .belinda for us next?

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Yay!

This is a 'must read' for everyone.

Can you find the conversations between MM and .belinda for us next?

oh man , .belinda, I had forgotten all about her!

that would be great

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Thanks for bumping this up. Made my day. :lol:

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Yay!

This is a 'must read' for everyone.

Can you find the conversations between MM and .belinda for us next?

oh man , .belinda, I had forgotten all about her!

that would be great

Hey, I saw .belinda at Philly1! Took her daughter to the show...

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you are right. definitely better then the scrotum nonsense.

This refers I think to the touching, heartfelt condolences offered by MM on the death of .belinda's cat..loves animals, does our MM, even when they aren't on fire:

I always found that drinking during thsee times of grief was very cathartic. Drink whatever you have in the house, that old bottle of red wine the neighbor gave you, the half bottle of absinthe that was left over from the frat party, the half case of Carlings Black Label in the basement...drink it all...and have yourself a good cry, and then look at your kids and be thankful you have them, and put it into perspective. This was a cat. You can have as many cats as you want, forever and ever. Sure they wont all be Stripey, but you can get drunk and sit around and tell them "Stripey Stories"....its a long life ahead of you Belinda, and you cant get hung up on one cat...share the love...go down to the local pet gas chamber and save one, bring it home, put it on the kitchen table, look it in the eye and say "welcome....get to work". I feel bad for old Stripey, but damn what if he would have lived and been paralyzed and had to get one of those skateboard things for his back legs. The Mice would have been screwing with him all the time...ya know making Stripey get stuck on the shag carpet, going up and down steps, things that mean mice will do, especially teenage mice.

I once had a dog name Rufus, he had one testicle cause a car parked on his tail and scrotum. We moved that car and saved his six week old bad ass self. He was a mutt and he loved me. But he had a bent tail and one nut for the rest of his life. You may ask what that has to do with this story, and I'll tell you, absolutely nothing, cept its amazing only one of his nuts was crushed. Anyway had Rufus for 13 years and one day he jumped up in my bed and layed on my chest and had a heart attack. Dead as a doornail. I wanted to bury him in the backyard, but aparently you cant bury anything in your backyard in Bklyn over 20 lbs or unless they belong to the Galante Family. On some late nights we think Rufus walks around the house. I think he is looking for his nut. Theres no moral to this story. We have enough moralizing here.

You have kids who are gonna worry Mom flipped her wig over a cat. Go get another today. Call it Spooky. It'll have some of Stripey's spirit if you get it fast enough. Good luck.

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I'm f'ing crying here.

Twice in one day Miami MArk made me cry.

"things that mean mice will do, especially teenage mice. " LOLOL

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This part always gets me in tears...so sad:

On some late nights we think Rufus walks around the house. I think he is looking for his nut.

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LOL

can't you bring up the whole thread? We've gotta see that one again too. And where's the one about wanting to visit her sister in Korea? That turned into the Koreasene heater??

Great way to end a stressful work week......Outstanding!

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Bump just for Mikey :D

Best Miami MArk post that includes a squirrel

Anyone looking for the famous stoop references?

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